Monday, December 29, 2008


I believe that everything happens for a reason...
People change so you can learn to let go...
Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right...
You believe lies so that eventually you learn to trust no one but yourself,
And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Never regret the past. You look back at it and learn from it, because the past is what you use to learn who you really are.

Thanks For The Memories

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Please LoL

So I gave going out with the boys to go to Church. Yea I know how cute, but to than find out some very upsetting news. According to a friend of mine he says I opened my mouth by saying what I said, but only half of what I said was true the other half you should've known its bs. So I found out that a certain someone got very upset so I'm sorry. But damn than I find out that this woman is now saying that I'm not worth her tears and that she's finally letting loose. Ha Ha Ha

I don't know of any nicer way to put it but she's lucky she had someone like me. And no guys, it's not my pride kicking in. For your imformation you're the one that fucked up BIG TIME. I don't want to say how many times. And no I'm not trying to rub it in or make anyone feel bad but people just at times say shit as if their pussy is made out of gold, when it isnt. I was an idiot for letting this shit happen to me so Shame on Me. But hey we make mistakes we learn from them, of and trust me I learned a lot. Gracias!


You wait a couple of months than you're going to see,
You'll never find nobody better than me!

Ha! Ha!

Friday, December 26, 2008


I Lost My Job! =(

Can this month seriously get any worse??

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


It's not until times like now when it hits you the most. I just never thought that this holiday would be so hard to get passed. I can't even try to hide it, because I'm asked all the time and I have nothing to reply. For all those that have a special someone enjoy it and treasure the moments. And if you're spending it with the family be happy it is with people that love you no matter what.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Friday, December 19, 2008

Thursday, December 18, 2008


I never really had a friend cry on my shoulder the way she did that day. I try and help by telling her not to stress so much because everything will be okay. As I wipe the tears I tell her the guy will stop his sneaky ways, he'll show you he cares because you have put up with so much that other women wouldn't. As she cries she tries to explain how everything has changed and the mistakes this guy has made. How at times they are out of stupidity but still unforgiveable. Hearing all this I'm just left without words. Thinking and trying to say something positive but I can't. But as the conversation continues it's not really that what bothers her but the fact that she has to see this man, whom she loves, go out of his way to support his son. The everyday conversations with his ex-girlfriend about the kid kills her inside but she can't say anything. She knew what she was getting herself into a year ago, but she didn't think the pain would keep coming and going. She says shes going to end it because she's tired of going through this pain-the pain of him being sneeaky, of him always having to see the other woman. She knows she can't say anything because that's what he's supposed to do, but it bothers her too much to keep up with it. In her eyes the only solution is to walk away. But does she have to? Only she can fully answer that question. Whatever we say is just advice and she can do whatever she wants with that. Would you be able to handle a relationship where your significant other had to run to his "baby-moms" and son almost every other day? Would it bother you?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The 17th

The 17th...

Saturday, December 13, 2008


I Love Birtney Spears! Her and I go way back.
I think she's still hott as spice. =D
And yes I'm going to buy her album.
She's the Truth. lol

Track 3

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


I took a nap for about twenty minutes with the song playing in the backround. It didn't hurt which kind of surprised me, but I guess that's good news. The song continued and I started to doze off little by little. In that short nap a small dream occured. I remember the small memory crossing my mind which was her-her face directly in front of mine. Brushing my hair with her hands she looked at me and smiled, gave me a kiss and told me to wake up. Sadly I really woke up and realizing it was only a short dream a pain ran through my heart. But even thought there was pain it was a short dream that made me happy for the five minutes in which it occured.

[Lesley Roy playing in the backround]

Friday, November 28, 2008


To be honest I have never been this nervous. If feels like it's the first time I'm asking a girl out on a date. My heart is beating faster and faster with every second to the point that it's scarying me. My hands are feeling cold as if I had dipped them in a bucket of iced cold water. The feel as if I'm about to give a speech with millions of people watching, but am not sure what to say. I feel chills through my bones as im awaiting the green light to begin my night. So I breathe, inhale and exhale, trying to get myself together. Time keeps ticking and my nerves keep on racing. I can't take it anymore for waiting for this one message is taking an eternity. Every minute that passes feels likes an hour has gone by. I small talk with others, at home and online, to try and make the time go by quicker but with little success.
I can't stand the wait any longer so I get up to leave, but before I do I make one quick prayer. One prayer of hopes that life and everything can go to the way is was 5 months ago. During this time everything was smooth sailing, and I had no complaints. Yes I know others did have complaints but I would've approached many situations differently and made the present better. I would pray for the old times so I can see just how bright days were. Time's ticking and I end it with a Thank you, because even though days are gloomy now I can see sunlight in the near future.
Time is ticking. Still no message. What to do? What to do? What to do?
I get ready, stand up and start my quest for what is rightfully mine.
Let's just hope this ending is as good as the one in movies.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


Happy Thanksgiving To Everyone!

Yes I know this is the day where people just meet up with many of their loved ones and just stuff their face with food. And their isn't any problem with that at all. Who has a problem with food? Definetly not me, but many of us take advantage of what is in front of us. We don't know just how important some people are to us in our life, but we realize it when they're gone. Some people don't realize just how lucky they are to have certain people at times with the people they see on a regular basis. Drop the fueds and hatred and just thank all those around you, because you never know when things change. So I thank my parents for raising me to half the man I am today and my friends for the other half. Enjoy guys and EAT!


Well my little brother recieved a gecco looking animal from his teacher, yea I know how odd. Since when does a 4th Grade teacher give a pet away, to a 9yr old student, especially an small lizard. Seriously since when? Because if that was the case I would've done better in class and hoped to have gotten the little hamster that I always wanted. But regardless of the fact that it's an ackward gift given to a student, my little brother enjoys this little pet and it's only been one day. And I was just informed that he received this pet lizard from his science teacher for winning a raffle, I guess not it's supposed to make sence. We're still haven't given this pet a name. I would've name this little gecco looking creature...ok so I don't have a name at the moment but I'm bound to come up with something sooner or later.

Just found out that the name of this animal is an "Anole" and is often mistaken as an American Chameleon.

Peace Out Everybody!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I Paid For This Room!

Ok so I paid a visit to a small Hotel not too long ago. Yay Me! Ok so you're probably thinking, "This guy is not going to brag about the f*ckfest he had in that night, all over this blog", and you're right I'm not! What I am going to share with you, my fellow readers, is just the great service I received that night.
So we walk in and ask for prices. To start off I honestly don't know why I bothered asking, because I already had the prices in my head. So Mr. Osama Bin Laden Jr. over the counter tells me prices. So I'm there waiting until this man points out the price of a room with one of those fancy tubs that bubble, I believe someone named that machine a "jacuzzi", but he doesn't. For some reason I felt offended I didn't let it be known but I asked, "How about a room with a "jacuzzi?" He tells me the price blah blah. Why wasn't I told the price from the get-go? Is it because I'm not white? Is this a racial thing? Did this terrorist looking mofo think I couldn't afford it? Well I could! To calm the suspense running through your veins on whether or not I took the room with the jacuzz...I didn't, but next time I will.
Of course I get to my room and about 10 mins later, give or take, the power in the whole room goes off. I laughed during this mini blackout because the lovely lady I was with reminded me of the movie Vacancy. And for a split second I thought, "Crap!" What if this is like that? I didn't appreciate the vibe which I received from Bin Laden Jr., so I pictured that him just throwing gasoline on me and lighting me on fire and as I'm yelling in pain and agony and rolling on the floor this so called person is just sipping on his cheap whiskey. Than I snapped back into reality and realized this isn't a movie. So he than puts the power back on in our room, and no more that 5 mins later the power goes off once again. Ok now in my head I'm thinking shit we're going to die. But all I did is walk down told the him power went off once again and he asks me if I have the heater on high. I paid money for this room so I have the right to put it as high as I want. After putting power on my room again, my cable is out. Either God didn't want me in that room or this man gave me an awful room. Of course this man tries to fiz the cable and the whole time I'm thinking, "This f*ck has no idea what he's doing", and he didn't. This man kept pushing the same button over and over like a 2yr old infant that has a shiny Bright Red Button in front of him. After 15 minutes of unsuccefully trying to restore the cable serive he finally decides to switch my room.
Of course there had to be something wrong with this room and there was. The TV was about 1 mile up in the air. As if the TV being so small wasnt bad enough it was sky high up there. And you're probably asking why do you care about a TV if you're in a hotel room with someone you can just be enjoying the night with? The answer is I paid for the room and as a paying customer deserve full satisfaction.

P.S. It was a great Night
Still no present...
...And still waiting.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I still havent received not one present for my Birthday.
My girlfriend said she gave me something but that wasnt really a present.
It was great but not a present.
Football stats of Nov 5th

5 Receptions with 2 TDs
2 Kick Returns for a TD

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


I just zone out at times and wonder. I wonder what is it that's hurting me inside-what is it that is just not making me happy. At times I feel happy but than at times I don't, but than again like a friend of mines said about being happy, "you either are or you aren't...there should be no question in your mind." So than what's my answer to that quote, am I or am I not? I don't want to answer that question right now. I feel what I am going through is just a phase-a phase that is only temporarily which should go away as time goes on. But we're back to that damn word, time, only time will tell.

What time is it? lol

Friday, October 31, 2008


Halloween Night Woot Woot!
Just going to the Parade...
...for now...

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Night No More

Well I was finally going to watch Transformers tonight until my significant other decided to wake up late and than have one of her usual headaches. So now I have no plans for tonight or might hang out with the boys or the bff lol. Quien sabe.

P.S. Don't say it if you're not ready.

Saw V

For those that think that Saw is supposed to be a very scary movie it really isn't. I look them as movies that are supposed to make you want to vomit and just witness gruesome deaths more of a thriller and suspence. Well I saw the movie with my novia and a bunch of my friends and I liked it. I know it wasn't that good of a movie but it kept me up. But who knows maybe it wasn't the movie maybe it was the gorgeous woman to my right that kept squeezing my arm or hand through out the movie haha.
In my opinion I enjoyed it, not better than the first 3, but still a good movie in my eyes. I have to say my favorite part in the movie was where Agent Pater Stahm was caught the first time and his head inside a plastic glassed boxed in which water was coming in to kill him, and this animal takes a pen and stabs it into his throat as his only method of survival. He's a effing G for that corageous stunt. So yea I liked the movie and can't wait for Saw VI.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I finally feel loved...well I think it's getting there who knows.
At times I do and at times I don't.

My brother has a little fish named Jeffrey. lol

Thursday, October 16, 2008


My Birthday!
Finally 20

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Really seize it.
The person probably won't be the one,
but that's how you learn who you really are.

To Be Continued

Monday, October 13, 2008


Sad...very sad.

Question of the Month

Is it possible to Love someone but not be fully happy??

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Good Day

Yesterday completley caught me off gaurd, atleast the way the day went about. I woke up yesterday morning knowing that I might see her, but I wasn't making a big deal out of it because there was that possibility that I wouldn't. As 11 a.m. was nearing I started to give up on seeing her and started to plan out what I would do that day. But to my suprise I recieved that text saying she was getting home and "getting ready to leave." Boy can this woman take her time getting ready. Noon was nearing and she still had not text me that she was on her way, but than 15 mins later I received the text that she was on her way. I was a little disappointed that most likely an hour is all the time I would get with her but I couldn't complaint, it was more than I got last week.

She arrived and I made her-her usual, a grilled cheese. We watched her favorite afternoon shows, honestly I kind of like them but I don't let her know that (lol). But for that one hour I felt like I was where I always wanted to be, her and I all alone. Inside me I was praying and hoping that she called out of work or atleast called to go in late. I guess it's true God does listen, because as that hour past, and as 2:15 approached, she suprised me with her calling in late to work. That wasn't the best part-the best part was what she said when I asked why, "because I want to spend more time with you." No one knows just how much joy was running through me when I heard that. I know I gave it away because I asked her "why?" three times just so I can hear her say that again and again.

We ended up spending the whole day together and even did laundry. Like a friend said "we're going to do laundry just like old times" and believe it or not the whole day felt like the old times. It was one of those days where we just wanted to spend the whole day together. And I enjoyed every mintue of it. Later that night we just went to the movies. I know it was random but it was good. She than drove half way home, I would've let her drive home but we were in a hurry. She impressed me with her driving.

That was how day unfolded and I enjoyed it. But the fact that we spent the whole day together wasn't what made me the happiest, it was the fact that at times through out the day I was reffered to as "babe". Yea I know she accidently said it, but I see that she wants to say it but is just being stuburn or trying to take things slow or scared. Probably scared of commitment again and that her heart will be broken again, but that is that last thing I would ever do. To go along with that she also said the 3 worded phrase, "I Love You." Yea it's been said before but the fact that she said it first made me happy. I guess I just have to wait until that day where she just opens up. I hope it's sooner than later because I miss those old days.

Lakeview What?

So Lakeview Terrace was a total waste of money last night. The previews make it that movie look so much better than it really was. The movie wasn't worth the pay but was the night worth it, I would have to say it was. The movie was boring most of the time, Samuel L. Jackson plays some kind of psycho in the movie. As the movie unfolds you find out why he acts the way he is and his reasoning for disliking the interracial couple, but this movie only had me on the edge of my seat for about 10 mins. The only reason I enjoyed this damn movie was because I was with her again. I loved it.

Next movie Eagle Eye.

Saturday, October 4, 2008


Why do I still wonder if this was the right thing to do? I sometimes wonder what was it that I did, or we did, to get things back to normal before. I wonder but I have no answer. I'm just left with an empty thought in my head and nothing at all crosses my mind. I'm just trying to rush into this and I don't know why. They say patience is a virtue but it's not helping. I just want the old times back. The times where I woke up to that morning message and the random messages during the day saying that unique 3 worded phrase...or the old "IFLY" or the cute nicknames, things like that are what I miss. At times I want to just snap my fingers and bam, I'm back to where I was 4-6 months ago. But what was I thinking this is the real world where you just have to take it one step at a time. I still reminisce of the good times we had and if those times will ever come back, but all I can say is that time will tell. I guess the saying, "It'll all get better in time" is really true. You have to give it time-time to soke in, time to remember what it was you both had, and time to know this is what you truly wanted.

P.S. I want to lay in the streets with her just one more time, side by side to look up at the night sky and ask her, "You want to dance with me?"

Sunday, September 28, 2008

NY Mets - Shea Goodbye

I went to the last game at Shea Stadium today. A game that they just needed to win to let me see baseball in October was lost. I really thought my NY Mets were going to win today and get hot in the playoffs, but I guess I was wrong. Oliver Perez pitched a good game but the bullpen once again failed us and gave up runs. It wasn't a lot of runs but enough to beat the Mets. A year that the Mets were suppose to leave Shea with a bang, ended with disappointment and tears down your face. If you would've been there today you would've seen the look of sadness that every die hard Met fan had on their face, as Ryan Churh flied out to Center for the last out. At exactly 5:06 pm the Met's 2008 Season was over.
The only positive that came out of today was the ceremony on the closing of Shea Stadium with a touching farewell. The final Pitch thrown by none other than, the NY Met's Leader in Wins, Tom Seaver to Mike Piazza. And as they desended into center field the lights were shut off to never be turned on again. They locked up a home where many great players played. Where many people called a second home. Where magic was made. Where the '69 Mets became the Miracle Mets. Where The '86 Mets made it clear they were going to be the best bad ass team in baseball. Where Mike Piazza, on Sept 21, 2001, Hit a HR to give us something to smile about after 9/11. Shea Staium will forever hold a place in my Heart and will never be forgotten.
I still do not agree with moving out of Shea Stadium. I know that it's time for change, that Shea Stadium is old and has it's great memories so it's time to move on, but not going to Shea anymore and moving to the new Citi Field is going to be so ackward. I'm going to miss Shea Stadium very much. That to me was a place that I am never down no matter what is going on in life. It's time to see if Citi Field can do the same Shea Stadium did for me.

Shea Stadium
1964- 2008

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Fading Love

True Love , what is True love?
I once heard that True Love is your soul's recognition of it's counterpoint in another. The phrase "I Love You" is not said to everyone. It's said to that one perfect person. That person that truley cares for you and wants nothing but the best for you. You know you're in love with someone when they are the first thing you think about when waking up and the last thought in your mind as you fall asleep. When you have those bad days and the only thing keeping you up is waiting to see that one person that picks you up when your down. That one person that does everything in their will and power to make you happy. That one person that with just a smile can drive you crazy and make you forget all your problems.

But what happens when love fades away? When love just gets up and leaves. What do you do when the only thing letting you smile are the memories? You sit and reminisce of the great times, but that's all you can do just sit and reminisce of what was and what could've been. You just have to let time takes its course. It hurts but that's what your family and friends are for, to help you through this difficult phase in your life. Is it going to be easy? No, but there's a time where you just let go, where the tears are not able to come out anymore. Where the thought of her stops crossing your mind.
Now you walk with a smile because you're walking again, something that you thought you weren't going to be able to do.

Song of the Day:
Leona Lewis - Better In Time

Friday, September 26, 2008

Why Blog?

Why do I Blog?

Hmmm that's a good question. I guess I consider this the place where I pour what people call "feelings" the way I choose let my emotions out. I rather write/type what I feel than actually say them. The things I talk about may not be agreed with by others but it's the way thoughts are running through my head.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Ne-Yo: Year of the Gentleman

Ne-Yo's latest album "Year of the Gentleman" is, in my opinion, his best work ever.
We already know that this man loves women, as we can tell from his latest albums, but in this album he shows just what a Gentleman he can be (aww que lindo). Yeah yeah it's sweet but whatever. I'm not going to lie but this album is really good. Every track on this album is effing amazing, with the exception of Track #12 but that's just my opinion. I suggest that everyone go out and get the album because it's that damn good.
And yes to my people I know this is the last album I should be listening to with my own personal situation, but Ne-Yo is my boy and I'll manage no need to worry.

Fav Tracks:
#3 Single
#4 Mad
#9 Part of the List

P.S. This album reminds me of myself. =D
The funny thing is that I'm not lying. I'll try and explain it later or.

Moving On...
...Back to the Basics

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


So the Met's lose again, adding more to my disappointing month.
I'm going to the game tomorrow and they better win.

So I'm assmuing time is still needed.
But She texts/calls me two nights straight and the reason being becaue she "misses" me. If you include tonight just because I didn't text her, make it three. She gives me a hug, not a regular hug, but one of those hugs that you give someone after not seeing them for a long period of time. A tight passionate hug that you just don't want to let go.

I ask, what would happen if I gave her a kiss?
She replies, "Nothing."

The only thing I want to do is grab her and just tell her how I effing really feel, but I can't. I want to grab her and just give her that one kiss, but I can't. I can't say or do what I really want to. So I just sit there like an idiot and let time pass little by little. The wound bleeds more and more everytime I hang out with her but yet I still do it.

Why do I do this? Am I an idiot? Do I enjoy myself suffering in the inside? Is there really something positive that can come out of this?
Or are we just trying to make our future "friend relationship" work out?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


You often feel empty. That "something" that you lack is most likey happiness. Happiness can never be achieved through selfishness, ignorance, or greed. Try to surround yourself with love and compassion. If you do that, you will start feeling more and more satisfied with life.

Lucas & Peyton?

So we're the we are the Lucas and Peyton huh?

According to my sources thats 4 years of pretending to be happy. Ummm I don't think people would like to pretend they're happy for 4 years and than bam yea let's start where we left off. How about Nathan and Haley, that sounds a little better if you ask me, but that's just me.

It's hard to be just friends at times. Crushes come and go but what happens when it's more than a crush when it's love.When it comes it's the greatest thing you can have. While it's around cherish it take advantage of it, because not everybody is that lucky.
But what happens when this "love" is gone? Do you just leave and never come back again? Or do you fight and try to get back what you say belongs to you?
You can try but just remember, "never fear the unexpected", don't be scared to get your hands dirty and come out of your mission without what you were looking for. If that's the case you were either wasting your time or just looking in the wrong place. But the time might come where you just have to let go, not because it's what you want but because it's just what it is.

Only time will tell what is best for someone. Never think about the future, for the future is never guaranteed. So just take advantage of the oppurtunity that presents itself and learn from it.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Count Down

So yea as most of you may already know, and should know, my birthday is on October 16th. Yea thank you thank you. Ok so that means 26 days from today its my birthday. Ok so I've have thought of a game plan from now until that day, there are 4 weekends, including this weekend, from now until the 16th. So for those three weekends I'm going to be out hanging out, maybe drinking a little quien sabe, but yea. So if you guys are down to just enjoy the weekends until my birthday you are more than welcomed. Even though I'm going through a tough moment right now I'm going to try my best to enjoy it.

Tonight I will be in the in little Italy enjoying the Saint Gennaro's Festival with a couple of my homies. You guys are more than welcome to stop by and hang out.

P.S.: Thank you Chughtai =)

Friday, September 19, 2008

1st Blog

Well this is my very first time blogging in like forever. If I'm not mistaken last time I did something like this was when "xanga" was still in, yea so it's been a while. But yea I'm going to give this blogging thing a chance see how it works out and build from there. So for all those that are going to be reading these blogs I hope they keep you entertained and thank you for the support. But if anyone really has a clue on how I should work this out let me know. Should I make it an everday online diary?? Or just asked random questions and see everyones opinion on a certain topic?? Or hell I can do both and see how that works, but yeah your feedback on this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all.

- Santiago X. Conde