Thursday, December 31, 2009


New Year, Same Story.
To be honest I didn't want to spend this New Years alone.
Don't get me wrong people, I do spend it with the people I love most, my family.
But even while being there and celebrating the coming of a new year there's something missing.
And apparently there will always be something missing.
Sadly to say this New year isn't going to be all that amazing for me.
As I soak my face with different types of liquor and "try" to get things off my mind, someone will still cross my head that will feel like a dagger to my heart.
As if someone is just taking it and squeezing it beat by beat.
There's nothing you can do, but walk around with a smile telling everyone that you're fine.
That you're having a blast and that you are having an amazing time.
But deep down inside you know that it's just a shield that you put up, that you build, to block the true feelings that are running through you.
So as another year roles around I'm left with unanswered questions.
Thoughts of "what if", "what could've", "what should've."
But I guess I have to say that was 2009.
2010...well I don't know what it has in store for me.
A few trips planned, but nothing special, at least not anymore.
I have something to look forward to in 2010.
I graduate in May! I still find it shocking just how fast my college years went by.
Trying to get my career started is another adventure which awaits me.
So for all those out there...Enjoy this New Years.
Your never know how another year will end, until the time comes.
Spend it with your loved ones. Celebrate with them because they're the ones that guide you through the tough patches in your life.
In a way they're there to heal your wounds, and they will always be there.
So for this New Years I plan on not going crazy, but appreciating what I have in front of me.
Knowing that they were there for another year and that's something that will never change.
Friends come and go, all the time. But Family is there to stay.
The Love never fades away it just dims at its weakest moments but gets brighter at its strongest.

2010 Happy New Years.

Friday, December 25, 2009


Losing all Hope is Freedom.

Thursday, December 24, 2009


I officially hate this time of the year.
Who spends Christmas eve alone?
I do. My family is out, but I decided to just stay home watching youtube videos.
I guess I'm not cut out for the Holidays like I thought I was.
The whole preparing the ultimate gift for a person.
For the last couple of days I've seen people shopping for their loved ones and friends, so they won't ever be lonely again.
That's what I see from many faces, but than again there are others that have no one to shop for.
Or others that just buy gifts because of the day. They make it seem like a job instead of something coming from the heart.

It is the holidays so past all this negativity, I am glad I still have the family that has picked me up after all my battles.
The family that won't ever desert me.
The family that protects me.
The family that cares.
The family that loves.
The family that will be there for me, forever.
Thank you oh so very much.

Merry Christmas to all. I hope everyone gets what they are looking for.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Every relationship needs Time and Communication. Time is of the Essence and Communication is the key to making it work.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Think of life as being interesting.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The One

When you know, you know.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Not Complete

If you love something let it go. If it comes back it is yours, if it doesn't it never was.
You know you love someone when you want that person to be happy, even if that means you not being a part of their happiness.
Love can make you happy but at times it hurts, but it's special when you give it to the one that deserves it.

One of the most painful things is to see the one you love unhappy with you.
The toughest part of loving someone is knowing when to say goodbye.
No pleasure, no expressions just an illusion of what should've but wasn't.
We often say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to.
That doesn't mean that we've stopped loving and caring for the person.
Sometimes goodbye is just a painful way of saying I love you.The heart does heal and you will love like this again, only when you do, you will deny you ever felt this way before.
You have to forgive to forget, and forget to feel again.
So why am I still afraid to lose you when you're not even mine.
They say love can sometimes be magic, but magic can sometimes just be an illusion.

The day you finally decide to love me will be the day after I had decided to stop chasing you.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Are those sneakers on your feet?

My supervisor is such a bitch. He clearly time after time told me to buy black slacks, that as long as I have black slacks I can wear sneakers or whatever. I've been wearing sneakers for 4 different home games, but the damn team coach has to bitch about my sneakers. All my supervisor does is chuckle awkwardly as the coach bitches about my sneakers (the Venoms if anyone cared). I'm pissed because he didn't have the balls to even say that he allowed me to wear sneakers. When the coach leaves he tells me, "I guess no more sneakers?" I just walked away. What a vagina!

Friday, December 11, 2009


Didn't get the internship I wanted. FML!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Now You're Gone

Now you're gone
I realized my love for you was strong
And I miss you here now you're gone
I keep waiting here by the phone
With your pictures hanging on the wall

Is this the way it's meant to be?
Only dreaming that you're missing me
I'm waiting here at home
I'll be crazy now you're gone

There's an empty place in my heart
Without my ________ it will break apart
It won't heal, it never fades away
I'll be thinking 'bout you everyday

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Lost then Found

Lost then Found...

Friday, December 4, 2009

"Grown Up Christmas List"

No more lives torn apart.

Time will heal a heart.

Love would never end.

What do yo want from me?

There might have been a time
And I would give myself away
Oooh once upon a time I didn’t give a damn
But now, here we are so what do ya want from me
What do ya want from me

Just don’t give up I’m workin it out
Please don’t give in, I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, what do ya want from me
What do ya want from me
What do ya want from me

The Question

The toughest part about tonight was, not being asked how many beers I had.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Crazy Question

It's crazy how just a couple of weeks ago I was being asked for a day for "us", but now I find myself just trying to make it past days not thinking about us. Yeah, I know it's early to be writing this, but these are some of the things that you just know are coming. Sadly we make stupid decisions at time that we end up regretting, but it's part of life. You learn from your mistakes, but if you keep making the same mistake over and over, what do you learn? Apparently nothing, if it continues. So is this really worth it? Round 3 just went from it's peak to it's downfall in a matter of seconds. Something that looked so promising this time around just shattered right in front of you. Once again, is this worth it?

December not so Happy.

I've come to realize that the month of December is so crappy. Let's just say two months in a row have been two months of disappointment. Sometimes you place yourself in these predicaments and complaint. In my case I broke it so it's my fault. To be honest there's nothing that can hit me hard now. So whatever comes my way I'll just take it.

P.S. I need to come up with something to say at the end of every blog. I was thinking "duecez" but it's not original. Help needed with this.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Sometimes I wish I can erase the past.

Friday, November 20, 2009


I'm in my Sports Economic class as I look around no one in class is paying attention to this freakin' professor. I have the chick to my right playing a game on her iPhone and listening to music on it at the same time. Another one is checking emails and chatting away on facebook. I'm falling asleep and doing nothing on my laptop. I wonder what the hell goes on through my professor's mind as we sit here and not listen to her lectures. Does she get mad? Or does she come to school with the mentality of knowing we won't listen and just comes because it's her job? I would hate to be a professor and notice these things happening right in front of me. This is college for you.

P.S. All classes are not like this.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I'm Back

Guess who's Back?!?!?!

I'm am, with fresh new topics and way more shit talking!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Birthday <3

Had the BEST birthday ever. Thanks to this woman right here. I love you forever!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Riddle For You

Two coins add up to 30 cents and one of them is not a nickle.

What are they?

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Yes Harley!

Yes Harley!

I want Answers!

I guess thats why huh?

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I Will Be

Leona Lewis - I Will Be

Harley I have a song for you!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

The End

There are a million reasons why a relationship can crash and burn. Whether it's because you don't have the guts to make it work or you just get sick and tired of jumping through hoops. Eventually everyone fails. I've heard that a person with a determined heart frightens problems away and that miracles do happen if you're willing to look for them. But than again they also say when you do nothing at all things have a way of fixing themselves. So what approach do you take on this vicious circle that has been put upon you?

In relationships love does exist. I believe it does, well atleast that's what I tell myself. The bottom line is that every couple wait and go through the same crap as everybody else but the big difference is that the couple truly right for eachother don't let these "problems" take them down. You can't expect everything to be perfect because if you do than you would just end up disappointed. Both people are going to make mistakes but your pride will keep you from apologizing. But one of the two will stand up and fight for that relationship every time, if it's right. The other will notice in time what they let slip away. What people don't see is that the key to a lot of things is balance. The balance of power, balance in love or maybe just balance itself. For some of us it seems out of reach and too difficult to achieve but the important thing is to never stop trying.

I like to think that our life comes down to the choices we make along the way. Like the choice of standing up and saying what you believe in, the choice to focus on important things rather than stupid things. The choice on whether to fly our or not. I look at these choices as tiny little tests. Some can be looked as a test of character or a test of fortitude and others can be a test of friendship. In the end you just have to trust your decision and hope that you'll land on solid ground. But with this there are a lot of things that can take you by surprise. Sometimes it's realizing you aren't as happy as you thought and sometimes is when you take a chance and win for a change.

At the end letting go is never easy. There is no more difficult thing to do than letting go of someone you cared for or loved. Sometimes the small gap of hope that was left open for you to see happiness closes right before your eyes. So when that door is closed shut just remember that another door is waiting to be opened. Once you've made your decision don't look back and wonder what could've been, look forward and remember that eventually you're going to find someone else that will make you feel ten times better than the other ever did. Is it difficult? Of course it is, and it's going to take TIME (4 letter word I hate). It's part of life, you can't go through life without heartaches, it's just not possible.

"Whats even scarier is that deep down inside you know you picked this person. And if you run away from them now, you're running away from the person you always wanted to be."

[Turns Light Off...Closes Door]

Song dedicated to you:
Underwood - So Small
Your Gaurdian Angel

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I Have to Title

So I have one cousin trying new experiments on how to stay awake at work, which by the way I have to say is one creative technique he has come up with. Even though the biting your own tongue might sting it does you keep you up, whatever gets the job done. I have a couple of friends with dilemas on their relationship. No major one but what I would call a small bump in the road, as if I haven't had enough relationship talks in the past month or so. Another friend about to get deported, and no not by the gov't, but by his own parents for about a month. He just keeps implying that "karma is a bitch", which still has me a bit confuzzled seeing as how I don't know why karma would hit him. I have another friend going to New Jersey every weekend and not showing up for 2 days. Leaving Friday night and coming back Sunday afternoon, sounds like fun huh?

As for myself, well it's been a couple of weeks to remember. I came back to this hell hole called home after a "great escape." So cold, but less rain. A friend of mine attempted this "great escape" as well, in thier own way, but with no success. Surprise! I've been just sleeping my ass for half the day to wake up to-to anguish, boredom, disbelief, distress, heartache, memories, silence, yearning if thats anything to wake up to that's what I wake up to if not than... it's nothing. I have also become Dr. Phil, out of all the times to be Mr. -correction- Dr. Phil now is the time. I'm not complaining because I don't mind giving a couple of words of advice to the needy, but it makes me analyze myself and my actions. I visited a friend which lived in one of those fancy-shmancy apartments which they built right next door. Very nice place with a great view, could've been better if the building across the street wasnt intefering. Of course I let the person know that because of this building I have no view of living life through my kitchen window anymore. Now school, good old St. John's, well you know how they are they can blow mine!

Escape from what we call our life. June or July??

Saturday, January 10, 2009


I don't know what it was but this feeling finally hit me. It was just talk before, about me starting this project and how it would be a great idea. I have a friend that found it humorous but at the same time appealing to start this project. So I have officially decided so beginning my own novel. Yes ladies and gent's I have decided to start this project, but of course not alone. I have my fellow friend Ms. Omeir-Mejia helping me with editing. Whether you want to believe it or not I'm serious about attempting this. I'm not promising great success, but I am promising an attempt.

And if you so care to ask what the novel will be about. I don't know what I want to focus it on, but a part of me is leaning toward life-a young mans life. His maturing process to be the man he wants to become. Facing all the different challenges that come his ways, and trust me there will be many and the battles with others that have come his way. The adolecent/man's name will naming him James.

Thats a start.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Have you ever regreted something to the point where it starts to constantly bother you?

I think I'm getting that feeling, and it's not cool.

To be Continued...