Thursday, December 31, 2009


New Year, Same Story.
To be honest I didn't want to spend this New Years alone.
Don't get me wrong people, I do spend it with the people I love most, my family.
But even while being there and celebrating the coming of a new year there's something missing.
And apparently there will always be something missing.
Sadly to say this New year isn't going to be all that amazing for me.
As I soak my face with different types of liquor and "try" to get things off my mind, someone will still cross my head that will feel like a dagger to my heart.
As if someone is just taking it and squeezing it beat by beat.
There's nothing you can do, but walk around with a smile telling everyone that you're fine.
That you're having a blast and that you are having an amazing time.
But deep down inside you know that it's just a shield that you put up, that you build, to block the true feelings that are running through you.
So as another year roles around I'm left with unanswered questions.
Thoughts of "what if", "what could've", "what should've."
But I guess I have to say that was 2009.
2010...well I don't know what it has in store for me.
A few trips planned, but nothing special, at least not anymore.
I have something to look forward to in 2010.
I graduate in May! I still find it shocking just how fast my college years went by.
Trying to get my career started is another adventure which awaits me.
So for all those out there...Enjoy this New Years.
Your never know how another year will end, until the time comes.
Spend it with your loved ones. Celebrate with them because they're the ones that guide you through the tough patches in your life.
In a way they're there to heal your wounds, and they will always be there.
So for this New Years I plan on not going crazy, but appreciating what I have in front of me.
Knowing that they were there for another year and that's something that will never change.
Friends come and go, all the time. But Family is there to stay.
The Love never fades away it just dims at its weakest moments but gets brighter at its strongest.

2010 Happy New Years.

Friday, December 25, 2009


Losing all Hope is Freedom.

Thursday, December 24, 2009


I officially hate this time of the year.
Who spends Christmas eve alone?
I do. My family is out, but I decided to just stay home watching youtube videos.
I guess I'm not cut out for the Holidays like I thought I was.
The whole preparing the ultimate gift for a person.
For the last couple of days I've seen people shopping for their loved ones and friends, so they won't ever be lonely again.
That's what I see from many faces, but than again there are others that have no one to shop for.
Or others that just buy gifts because of the day. They make it seem like a job instead of something coming from the heart.

It is the holidays so past all this negativity, I am glad I still have the family that has picked me up after all my battles.
The family that won't ever desert me.
The family that protects me.
The family that cares.
The family that loves.
The family that will be there for me, forever.
Thank you oh so very much.

Merry Christmas to all. I hope everyone gets what they are looking for.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Every relationship needs Time and Communication. Time is of the Essence and Communication is the key to making it work.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Think of life as being interesting.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The One

When you know, you know.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Not Complete

If you love something let it go. If it comes back it is yours, if it doesn't it never was.
You know you love someone when you want that person to be happy, even if that means you not being a part of their happiness.
Love can make you happy but at times it hurts, but it's special when you give it to the one that deserves it.

One of the most painful things is to see the one you love unhappy with you.
The toughest part of loving someone is knowing when to say goodbye.
No pleasure, no expressions just an illusion of what should've but wasn't.
We often say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to.
That doesn't mean that we've stopped loving and caring for the person.
Sometimes goodbye is just a painful way of saying I love you.The heart does heal and you will love like this again, only when you do, you will deny you ever felt this way before.
You have to forgive to forget, and forget to feel again.
So why am I still afraid to lose you when you're not even mine.
They say love can sometimes be magic, but magic can sometimes just be an illusion.

The day you finally decide to love me will be the day after I had decided to stop chasing you.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Are those sneakers on your feet?

My supervisor is such a bitch. He clearly time after time told me to buy black slacks, that as long as I have black slacks I can wear sneakers or whatever. I've been wearing sneakers for 4 different home games, but the damn team coach has to bitch about my sneakers. All my supervisor does is chuckle awkwardly as the coach bitches about my sneakers (the Venoms if anyone cared). I'm pissed because he didn't have the balls to even say that he allowed me to wear sneakers. When the coach leaves he tells me, "I guess no more sneakers?" I just walked away. What a vagina!

Friday, December 11, 2009


Didn't get the internship I wanted. FML!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Now You're Gone

Now you're gone
I realized my love for you was strong
And I miss you here now you're gone
I keep waiting here by the phone
With your pictures hanging on the wall

Is this the way it's meant to be?
Only dreaming that you're missing me
I'm waiting here at home
I'll be crazy now you're gone

There's an empty place in my heart
Without my ________ it will break apart
It won't heal, it never fades away
I'll be thinking 'bout you everyday

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Lost then Found

Lost then Found...

Friday, December 4, 2009

"Grown Up Christmas List"

No more lives torn apart.

Time will heal a heart.

Love would never end.

What do yo want from me?

There might have been a time
And I would give myself away
Oooh once upon a time I didn’t give a damn
But now, here we are so what do ya want from me
What do ya want from me

Just don’t give up I’m workin it out
Please don’t give in, I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, what do ya want from me
What do ya want from me
What do ya want from me

The Question

The toughest part about tonight was, not being asked how many beers I had.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Crazy Question

It's crazy how just a couple of weeks ago I was being asked for a day for "us", but now I find myself just trying to make it past days not thinking about us. Yeah, I know it's early to be writing this, but these are some of the things that you just know are coming. Sadly we make stupid decisions at time that we end up regretting, but it's part of life. You learn from your mistakes, but if you keep making the same mistake over and over, what do you learn? Apparently nothing, if it continues. So is this really worth it? Round 3 just went from it's peak to it's downfall in a matter of seconds. Something that looked so promising this time around just shattered right in front of you. Once again, is this worth it?

December not so Happy.

I've come to realize that the month of December is so crappy. Let's just say two months in a row have been two months of disappointment. Sometimes you place yourself in these predicaments and complaint. In my case I broke it so it's my fault. To be honest there's nothing that can hit me hard now. So whatever comes my way I'll just take it.

P.S. I need to come up with something to say at the end of every blog. I was thinking "duecez" but it's not original. Help needed with this.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Sometimes I wish I can erase the past.